Me, me me!

I have had a few interesting conversations recently with people relating to siblings of people diagnosed with an ASD and the attention or misattention that siblings often get. Research indicates that due to the stress of having a child who maybe needs a little more attention , many other brothers and sisters often get pushed to the side.Obviously i am sure that this is something that happens in most families to some extent, there is always new research evolving on older child needs, the middle childs misplacement and the younger child's need for approval.

Two years ago while studying at Queens university in Belfast i chose to do my dissertation on siblings of children with autism. One piece of research did jump out and that is that there is a pattern of siblings feeling somewhat neglected at times and this occurs perhaps at a slightly higher frequency then most families. I often think its OK when they grow up they will understand.

Myself i think i was fairly lucky, with a very small family where its just me and my brother i was always given so much attention. Also, the type of person i am,i have always done my best to avoid any drama, always have been wanting to run off to my room the second a tantrum started , i would always rather be away from any of the drama associated with living with autism. So i think i kinda of trained myself to learn when i could not get my mams attention and while my brother was having a meltdown i was aware was not the best time!

 However i often wonder what it would be like now for me, the day of home programmes to have all these people coming into my house to play with my brother and not me, to shower praise on my brother and not me, to only see my brother and not me..i would say it would be fairly difficult. I remember one instance when a relative visited as a child who decided that my brother needed an all her attention, and me "the ok one "none. I remember my Mam told me years later how i acted up that weekend, storming out of the room, throwing toys down the stairs ,acting completely unlike myself! So i suppose parents who may be reading this and if you are experiencing this kind of behavior you may be reassured that this is normal, and maybe one day a week of just taking your child out may do this trick. To siblings who are reading this remember the overall message of the blog.. you are not alone!